Redemption
by Jaina Durron
Summary: LOTF: Invincible. Darth Caedus admits to the supposed true nature of flow-walking to his Sith apprentice, but Tahiri still has her doubts. Just humor me, okay?


_Caedus shook his head. "When you drop a pebble into a river, what happens? There's a splash, and then the splash disappears. The splash is real, but the river doesn't change. It continues on just the same."_

" _But it_ does _change," Tahiri objected. "Maybe you can't see it, but the pebble is still there, rolling along the bottom."_

 _"And the kiss is still there, too. In there. That's where the bottom of the flow is."_

 _"In my_ mind _?"_

 _"In the way you_ perceive _the past. We went back to the battle on_ Baanu Rass _, and you kissed Anakin. What changed? The past- or your_ memory _of the past?"_

ーLegacy of the Force: Invincible, Troy Denning

* * *

Somehow, Tahiri Veila realized, she had always been aware that it was all a manipulation. No illusions of the dark side could hide Caedus's true intentions; her once dear friend had something else up his sleeve other than comfort and closure. Her fantastical visions of traveling through the past and resurrecting her lost love were misguided if not just pitiful wishes. But she couldn't let go– never had been able to. Fourteen years Anakin Solo had been dead, and her grief had yet to lessen. All those who knew her knew that she still loved him, that she'd never been able to let go. Darth Caedus had known this as well– and he'd been more than willing to use it against her.

"The Force fixes it," she voiced the realization as she came to it. "When you brought me flow-walking back to that day on Myrkr, you let me believe that I had really changed that moment, that I'd actually kissed Anakin. But I didn't. The Force undid it. The Force fixed it."

Caedus was not the kind to bask in his evil genius, and this was largely due to the simple truth that he didn't care. He had no love left in his heart for the late brother of Jacen Solo. So, he didn't smirk at the Jedi's misfortune or at Veila's despair. All Caedus knew was the logic of the scenario. No emotion.

He elaborated tersely, "One might say there was nothing _to_ fix."

Tahiri, on the other hand, felt deeper than she thought. "You said that I could change the past– that I could change that day!" Her voice was thick with emotion, clogged with unbidden tears. "You let me believe that I had."

"And you let yourself believe that you could," Caedus countered. "I never said one way or another that you could change the events of that day on the _Baanu Raas._ "

"That whole time, you were using me, manipulating me." This was what she'd already known. Tahiri had known Caedus was manipulating her from the moment he'd happened to bump into her on the exact anniversary of Anakin's death. It had been a manipulation when he'd told her that she could see him again. It had been a manipulation when he'd let her linger in the grashal just long enough to shove her younger self into the arms of Anakin Solo just before his death to give him one last kiss– then, to pull her out of the flow-walk at that moment. He wouldn't even let her live through the rest of the scene. Since then, she'd taken it for a blessing. She'd decided that her initial anger was brash and childish. Jacen had let her watch it all over up until that point; did she really want to watch Anakin fall again? But now she realized that he hadn't meant it as a blessing; Caedus had meant it as further manipulation, to give her a portion of a fix, then toss her back into withdrawal.

"You purposely sought me out at my weakest, when you knew I would be at my most vulnerable. You came to me on the anniversary of that day on the _Baanu Rass-_ when Anakin died. You didn't bring me to bring him back, or even so I could kiss him one last time. You brought me to watch it all over again, to make me feel even more miserable."

"In refusing to come to terms with Anakin's death, you made yourself vulnerable. You tore open your own scars and refused to let them heal." As if to accentuate the point, Caedus briefly broke their locked gazes, his eyes switching to the vertical scars that marred Tahiri's forehead– a wound she'd gained during her captivity by the Yuuzhan Vong. She had never felt the need to hide the blemish or have the skin repaired by medics. It was a reminder she kept with her of her own strength and all the pain and sorrow she'd endured at such a young age.

Moreover, it was a reminder of the woman she'd become before the end of the war.

"I tried to bring you _peace,_ Tahiri. Since you returned from Myrkr, you've let Anakin's death control you; you've allowed yourself to become weak for his name. I brought you closure. I gave you a peace you otherwise never would have found."

Though at her core Tahiri felt little more than molten hot anger, there was a seed of doubt planted deeply. _What if Caedus is right? How sick, how incapacitated am I if I'm still clinging to a teenage love?_ But the grief she'd felt had always been real; the feelings she'd felt for Anakin before their mission to Myrkr had never faded. Han and Leia Solo had always acknowledged that. They'd admitted that her grief matched theirs. How young they'd been had never mattered, nor had the lack of any official status between them. She'd loved him, and everyone had known. And everyone knew that she was his widow.

"That peace was a lie! I feel no better now! You led me to the dark side! I lost my way in the dark until I was dragging Anakin's name with me!"

"You continue to suffer because you refuse to let go. He's dead, Tahiri! Anakin Solo is dead, and it's childish that you've let such a small moment of your childhood control the rest of your life. I tried to give you freedom from that burden. Don't you think that would please Anakin–?"

 _"Don't!"_ The anger returned, flaring, and Tahiri growled through a clenched jaw, "Tell me how Anakin would feel. You betrayed him. Your brother! Along with Lumiya, you've plotted an entire war and devoted it to his memory. How sick are you that you would use your own brother against the rest of his family?"

"You're missing the point, Tahiri. I only tried to show you how to escape. You have to let go of him. He's. _Dead."_

How was Tahiri to explain that she couldn't accept that– not simply because couldn't cope with it but because something about his death had always felt wrong to her. Thinking beyond her crippling grief, Tahiri would have sworn it was the Force which had been calling to her. As her friends had answered to the summons of the Hive Mind only a few years before, the Force had sung to her a different call, a note of unrest. Following his death, Tahiri had spent plenty of time among Anakin's family as they would reminisce on his short life and mourn what never would be. Undoubtedly, they would have married. Anakin would have been the next Master Skywalker, the next great Jedi Knight and leader of the Order …

But Tahiri couldn't deny the feeling that had followed her since the Myrkr mission. Something about Anakin's life and legacy had always seemed– unfinished.  
Even through his yellow snake eyes, Tahiri caught the look of disgust that passed over Caedus's face as he spat, "Your lover signed up for a suicide mission, and he got what he had coming."

"It may have been suicide, but he knew what he was doing; he knew it had to be done. Everyone knew that, including you."

"Anakin was foolish and brash."

"Anakin?" Tahiri could have laughed if the mere memories weren't so brutal. "You were jealous of him. You still are! You were jealous of Anakin because he understood the Force. He found all the answers years ago that you're still looking for _._ He knew the difference between the dark and light. He didn't have to search the galaxy for five years looking for answers because he was wise enough to find and understand them.

"And this whole fling with the dark side? This isn't a conclusion you reached for yourself. You're so desperate to get a concrete answer, to cling to someone and take their words for gold, for someone to lead you along your path; you spoke to too many people, too many philosophers. You let them sway you, and now you're lost. You lost yourself, Jacen. You're so far gone that your family has no faith in bringing you back.

"You are no leader, Caedus, and you don't make for a very good Sith Lord. You don't know how to find the answers you seek for yourself. You were practically waiting for someone– for Lumiya– to guide you and tell you what's right. Anakin was wiser than that. He knew that the only way he could find those answers was if he stepped away from your strict mythology and sought for himself. That's how he found himself."

"We've spoken enough of him-"

"No! No, this isn't about me anymore. It's about what you did to Anakin and the flow-walking."

"The two have nothing to do with each other. As I told you, flow-walking can't bring Anakin back."

"That's what the Aing-Tii Monks told you."

"It's a black hole. If a bottomless pit of despair is what you seek, then be my guest and go looking for a solution. Even the Force can't give you back your love."

"And yet, you are relentless in trying to use it to prevent the nightmares it shows you. If the future is always in motion as Master Skywalker told us, why can't the past be the same? Isn't time just one continuous line? It's all moving, all in motion."

"Tahiri, you know the Force doesn't work like that. _Life_ isn't meant to be manipulated like that."

"And neither are people."

Caedus stopped to look at her, planting his fists firmly to his sides and grinning at her with a sort of amusement. He said to her, "This is what you plan on wasting your life doing? Chasing a ghost and wishing it back to life?" He frowned. "I'm disappointed. I would have thought Master Skywalker had taught you better than that."

Her anger was fading, rolling waves of searing molten lava calming to a low boil, now replaced with a cool bitterness, despair, a guilt so great that it threatened to finally take her down, send her crashing to her knees–

"Lord Caedus, I don't believe that you are in any place to tell me what I did and didn't learn from Master Skywalker."

* * *

Tahiri Veila– one-time Sith apprentice, now redeemed Jedi Knight– watched the celebration just as most private beings and businessmen did– on the HoloNet. When one was planning and performing business, one did not have time to indulge in anything more of a celebration. Newly-minted Chief of State of the Galactic Alliance Natasi Daala had just begun her inauguration speech, but Tahiri was more captivated by the speaker herself than her promises of peace and rich prosperity for the future of the GA. She figured it had to be sheer irony what side people found themselves these days. If this last war wasn't enough to show for that very point, an Imperial whose greatest influence had been Grand Moff Tarkin now claiming leadership of the GA had to turn at least a few heads.

Idly, she wondered what the retired Rebellion heroes thought of this …

Of greater worth to her attention however, was a private message Tahiri had received from a dear, old friend. The last hours of the day had been enough to keep HoloNet reporters on their toes, but having friends in high places allowed Tahiri a greater understanding of what the end of the war had really looked like. Tahiri knew Jaina still had to be recovering from the various burns and other injuries she'd sustained during her duel against Darth Caedus. Still, the Solo woman had been sending Tahiri transmissions since she'd gained consciousness. Tahiri couldn't imagine either Han or Leia were very pleased. But there was a sense of urgency in her messages, a feeling of conflict in her friend's mind as reality and desire seemed to melt together. What was really truth and no more than a lie, neither Sith nor Jedi could tell. But the Force whispered into the howling wind with guidance if not the exact answer. Enough was off about Caedus's theories on flow-walking to warrant an investigation. Perhaps he'd known before Jaina had cut him down. Or, perhaps, he'd been on the verge of finding the answers. Either way, Jaina's account of the duel and the phantom presence aboard the _Anakin Solo_ had Tahiri intrigued.

She abruptly shut off the communications device and stuffed it into her travel bag along with her lightsaber, old Jedi robes, and a commlink Leia Solo had given her. Slinging the bag over her back, she crossed the interrogation room in two long strides, one hand reaching for the access pad to open the door. She kept it hovered over the sensor for a moment, almost too afraid to try even though Master Horn had already promised her that they'd never blocked her identification info in the Temple's security system. It pained her to know that the Order had never given up on her. Even after all she'd done– her previous unwavering support of Darth Caedus and her half-hearted attempts to carry out the arrests issued for Han and Leia– she still had a family here: with the Order and with the Solos.

Tahiri laid her palm against the sensor pad and the door quickly rose to admit her. On her way out, she snatched Corran Horn's datapad, entered the sequence he'd allowed her to pick from his thoughts, and opened up a new message. She knew she'd be gone for a while, and she couldn't go without leaving proper goodbyes. Not after the one she'd denied Anakin so long ago.

She left a message for Han and Leia, another for Luke, a brief thank-you for Ben, then sent them before she could think twice.

The recorded holo message she'd received following her debriefing was still replaying in her head. She was no longer surprised by the doubts Jacen had turned out to still hold concerning flow-walking, but Tahiri couldn't help but feel frustrated that she couldn't talk to him– not Caedus– about the possibilities. Maybe, he'd have been able to provide her with other theories to give her an extra edge in her search. It didn't matter now. Both Darth Caedus and Jacen Solo were officially dead. The only clues Tahiri had to go on were her own experiences with flow-walking, an itching _feeling_ , and a disoriented account from Jaina of supposedly feeling a familiar presence distantly through the Force …

But it was enough for Tahiri. She wasn't in the mood to question her sources. Besides, she could feel the Force guiding her, calling and sending her, and her bond with the natural, innate power had never been so strong.

Although, on the other hand, she wasn't sure what to make of the power she'd learned to trust over her other senses. Nothing about it made sense, though nothing about flow-walking ever had. All that mattered to Tahiri now was discovering the true nature of this particular Force trick. If her source's impression was correct and Caedus had somehow managed to reach and make contact with Anakin–

It was too much to fathom.

A neglected X-Wing was waiting in the Jedi Temple's hangar for her. She borrowed an aged New Republic fighter pilot helmet and clambered into the cockpit. As it sealed with a _hiss-click_ , Tahiri retrieved the commlink from her satchel and keyed in another sequence. She didn't have to wait long for her contact to pick up.

"Hello?" they spoke.

"Hey. Jaina, I got your message. … I have to take you up on that challenge." Tahiri smiled to herself as she felt some of her old free spirit return. "I could use an adventure."

"Wait! You're going now? I thought you might want to stay on Coruscant for a while."

"Nah. I'll leave the negotiations with the new Chief of State to you guys. Plus, I've never cared for Imperials."

"You're telling me. My parents aren't too impressed with Daala either."

A silence settled over the comm line for a moment before Jaina sighed and spoke again. "So, I take it you're headed straight for Myrkr?"

"Actually, I have a quick stop to make first. I hope your dad won't mind, but I plan on raiding Chewbacca's memorial."

Jaina laughed– actually laughed, and it made Tahiri feel that much better. "That lightsaber practically belongs to you. You certainly went the distance to get it back from Shimrra on Coruscant."

"I can't help myself. I thought maybe I could use the extra token if I'm venturing back into old Vong territory. Plus, I want to be the one to give it back to him."

"I admire that thinking. Well, I guess I should let you be on your way. Keep me updated and let me know if you get any leads."

"I promise. Tell Han and Leia that I'll be back. I'd never leave my family."

"Will do, Tahiri. Good luck. And may the Force be with you."

"And with you," Tahiri returned just before the commlink clicked to silence.

The Solo woman's younger cousin Ben had already sneaked out his brand new R2 unit and plugged the silver and red-striped droid into the proper socket on Jaina's X-Wing. Tahiri started up the starfighter's systems, acknowledged the droid with a series of comm clicks, and pulled out her heads-up display.  
"Don't worry, Spy," she spoke to Ben's droid. "We aren't going far. Just outside of the Core, near Wayland. So, if you don't mind, we need coordinates for Myrkr." Tahiri put on the helmet, then reached for her foot to pull off her awful black boots, muttering something about how shoes were for Sith. Then, she fastened herself into her seat and settled a free hand over the main throttle before her. "Anakin's waiting."


End file.
